Phew. I'm sitting at my desk not one hour after the show has ended and I feel infinitely sorry for those who weren't able to make it. And as much as I would like to crawl into bed and sleep my utterly long day off, I feel like I owe it to the poor, unfortunate souls the recap of a truly great night.
I've been to Butch Hunts of yore. I've even been in one for crying out loud. And even the recently concluded contest held almost parallel to this event can't compare. Not by a long shot. What am I talking about. This event is one of the most entertaining shows I've been lucky enough to catch.
Herstory has finally understood the mentality of Singaporeans. We love to queue, we love to wait, and we will do anything just so as to gain that extra inch of space. Old farts like me who go early just to chope seats will like to give a thank you to the organizer for showing us the video recording of the Butch Hunt preview held just a month ago. It kept things fresh, and even more important, many gossip points flowing between the jugs of beer which flowed just as freely.
The show opened with a flourish albeit a tad later than the 11pm specified time slot. Zouk was packed to the rafters and with the blanket smoking ban, we were able to see the contestants a little bit better without the whole fog obscuring their faces. Choreographer Misha had probably more energy than the rest of the eleven put together but I'd give her credit for training the whole bunch who worked the runway like seasoned pros. The fans were out in full force. Akira's posse was just standing next to me. Good God. They brought whistles, banners and flags with Akira's name on it. I wish my friends thought of doing that back when I was a contestant.
Herstory introduced a new segment in this year's event: a reality video segment that introduced the cast of this year in a classroom setting. Showing off their acting skills, holding no punches, this segment was hilarious in setting the contestants up for their performance segment.
Stepping up to the plate first to flex their talents were the musical trio ?Charm, Calvin and Zsa. Charm had all of us at hello. Taking the lead for the song Zombie (which.. ahem.. was so my era thank you very much), Charm showed off her vocal talents that led her to be one of the top 28 in last year's Singapore Idol. Calvin interspersed the breaks with violin solos that had most of the crowd overwhelmed and Zsa finished up with a fantastic rendition of Wheatus' "Little respect". As God is my witness, the stingy poker in me would pay just to watch them perform again. They were THAT good.
Jewell, Bernice, XT and B followed it up with a rather lighthearted attempt at a dance off of sorts. Whilst they weren't the most consummate of dancers, they did entertain the crowd with their antics whilst keeping it simple and enjoyable to watch.
Karl, being one of the more butchy ones in the competition held the "favourite" tag. It's a rather awkward position to be in seeing that you'd have to live up to expectations and failure is a much much harder pill to swallow. She was the only soloist in the group apart from Akira, coming out with two backup sultry dancers. And after a debonair start, the performance kind of fell flat on its face. Oh, wait a minute, it was one of the dancers who managed that feat after Karl twirled her around rather too enthusiastically. Hearing the crowd laugh unmercifully must have been jarring for all three on stage, but to give her credit, she did pick up where she left off pretty admirably.
Akira walked out with the same combination of two back up dancers. But whilst everyone tried to do the whole R&B thing, she did an Arabian kind of dance. (At least that's what I think la. My languages consist of English, Mandarin and a wide variety of hokkien vulgarities only.) Shah Rukh Khan she might not be. But a credible Aladdin she'd make. I heard she's got a Jasmine already. So girls, please remember that she's off the market.
Short and Lane rounded it all up with a dance number. Where will Butch Hunt be without the token Justin Timberlakes. Both of them popped, locked, and danced and just for the briefest of seconds, I wish I could dance like them. But it's all good. My girlfriend loves me anyway for all the standing around I do on dance floors. Speaking of girlfriends, Short and Lane's joined them for a little soul action. Without missing a beat, both of them broke many girls' hearts by exchanging smiles and kisses between their dance partners.
The Instant Karma fashion show followed next and apart from looking all chic and totally having fun on the runway (I'd presume this would be the butch equivalent of Victoria's secrets), the only thing I can say about this segment would be that Short didn't have time to change as she emerged panting and without shoes. Yep, you heard right. That dude has got spunk. She walked the extended runway in her socks. Cool beans.
This review is turning out to be a thesis and I was pondering if I should write in detail about the Q&A segment. We can't have our butches all brawn and no brain could we. So here's a short recap.
Charm's answer to "Would you be a gigolo for a day if you were paid $10,000 and would you tell your girlfriend" was: "Yes. I would tell my girlfriend and yes I'd do it. Being a gigolo doesn't mean you'd have to sleep with the person." In your dreams my friend. If someone were to shell out $10,000 for you, you'd better do more than a Deuce Bigalow.
Bernice's question was: "What was your most embarrassing experience to date?" Her reply of "That, just now." (She smooched XT right after the fashion show) didn't quite cut it with me. More than anything else, I was just wondering about her inclinations.
Jewell had a toughie. A question many butches had to ponder about one way or the other in the course of their lives. "Would you take up a job that pays really well but requires you to wear dresses and heels?" Seriously, a "Yes. But only if all the guys did it too." was just asking for it from Leroy who just couldn't help himself with an acerbic "How you expect all the guys in Singapore to be like me?"
"If you were a femme, which contestant in this year's Butch Hunt would you like to be with?" was the question posed to XT. The national volleyball player and Home Economics teacher pointed out Charm to the crowd, listing her qualities of being charming, attractive and having a good set of vocals. All I can say? Sorry Bernice.
Short had the himbo question of "Choose. Good looking with a bland personality or average with the personality of a king." In my humble opinion, she had the best answer of the night with "Good looking with a bland personality. What's wrong with bland? Bland personality doesn't mean bad personality." If I were to hand out my personal award, she'd be given Mr Diplomat.
Akira sure hadn't gotten her mum barging into her room whilst she was doing the dirty with her girlfriend. Because, telling your mum you're researching about the movie Spider Lilies and doing character study is the lousiest excuse in the world.
I hope Lane has the 5 "what does a butch need to possess" qualities she had to list out. Because: style, confidence, knowing the difference between a butch and a man, security and giving a good fuck, is a very good answer. Very good indeed.
Should B win a sex toy in this competition, she'd choose a strap on to complete her collection. But if she was really given a choice, she'd rather much get a dong. Now, this is someone who sure knows her toys. Alas, yours truly doesn't have a remarkable collection to boast of. No complaints from the girlfriend's quarter though, so I suppose I should be doing things right in the boudoir.
If Calvin could turn back time, she'd do the clich?thing of not being with her ex girlfriend who was a total waste of time. The only thing butch about this girl are her tiny boobs that she was quite comfortable with showing the world. No, not in the same way as Jerry during the last butch hunt, but consistently not wearing a bra under white tops and just a jacket and tie during the Q&A. This girl would probably win Femme Quest next year if she joined.
Karl's thinking that she'd win Butch Hunt 2007 because she thinks she's the best looking one was so obnoxious that she was lucky she wasn't booed off. But then again, her saving grace was that she IS good looking. Whether she's the best?ah?that's a different question altogether.
One of the main topics circulating this year's event was the fact that out of the eleven, some were really not butch. They wouldn't even qualify as Andros should labels be absolutely necessary. So Zsa's answer to this much debated topic was right on the money. "I'm not a butch. But to be a butch is not how nice your hair is and how tight your binder is. Call yourself a butch and it's good enough."
Whilst tallying the results, Iris Judotter tried her best to entertain the crowd. No offense to Iris, but after the musical trio earlier in the evening who are professionals in their own right, the crowd was looking for something more.
Now for the results. I've inflicted an awfully long review on you guys and kudos if you've actually made it this far. I had a wonderful time at the best event of the year. I was entertained, I was educated and most importantly, Zouk's huge ass space meant that my breasts weren't pushed up against someone's back unlike at some other parties.
Surfer's choice: Akira
Mr Reality: Bernice (Acting segment)
Mr Personality: Zsa
Mr Photogenic: Karl
Campus Superstar
2nd runner up: Short
1st runner up: Calvin
Champion: Lane
Butch Hunt 2007 Winners
2nd runner up: B
1st runner up: XT
Champion of Butch Hunt 2007: Charm
Congratulations to all who won something. And even though Bernice walked away without a sash, I believe that she's gained an experience no one without guts would ever have.
Text by: Ryce. |
