My thoughts, retarded. It often takes a long time for impact to set in.

I remember the many times when I got scolded with degrading meanings took me 3 days to get angry with. That night I tossed and turned in bed, fighting anger and to lull myself to sleep. Or the times I got my heart broken and only cried a couple of days later and had tears streaming down my face hard while waiting for a bus to arrive.

It feels like an off day. Still do. The sadness muffled. Still unable to reach the core. My friend said 1 day I would look at the photos, think about them and start crying. I'm afraid to cry. I'm scared that regret would overwhelm me. I'm terrified to be gloomy.

Till then, I would just wait. Wait for its show.

I wonder if its the lack of occupancy that is making me paranoid. I starting to jump at any sudden noises and abnormally. Worlds of imagination playing in my mind. I have always been a very visual person. Even when asked for directions, I have to picture the buildings and landmarks before being able to recite the map.

Nights when random images flood my mind, the black and white still frames or the grey lines of lousy frequencies on the square box, it keeps me awake. Like a bad nightmare.

Its all in the mind......